Getting by

I have a theory.
 
I believe that for any given situation, everyone does the best they can at that particular moment.
 
It is so easy to criticise but if you knew the whole story for that person up to and including that moment, then you would understand why, in your eyes, they’re performing so badly.
 
Bad parenting isn’t usually done on purpose. It can be the result of a long series of events which may stretch back generations. You might even know that you’re a rubbish Dad but you are doing the best that you can.
 
The dozy driver cutting you up on the filter box may still have her mind on the sick baby she has left with the childminder and her boss’s threat to sack her if she takes any more time off. She isn’t driving like an idiot deliberately.
 
Making a decision to install traffic lights must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe they couldn’t be bothered to think it through but it was the best they could do just then.
 
Look at your own life.
 
We spend most of our day working below peak efficiency. We hope to get all of the big decisions right but know that some of the smaller stuff could have gone better. We can also give you several reasons why we’re not firing at 100% all of the time. Several very logical and understandable reasons.
 
Logical and understandable to us that is.
 
Anyone else might regard it as the act of a half wit, especially if you happen to be a deputy or civil servant or in the public eye.
 
If my theory is right, then mistakes are inevitable. All of us are going to get it wrong some of the time and maybe most of the time during times of personal crisis.
 
We are all going to make mistakes so why not live with that idea.
 
You are not defined by the mistakes you make; you are defined by the way you recover from those mistakes; what you learn from them.
 
“I’m sorry, I was wrong. I apologise”.
 
Some time ago in London, the police ended up prosecuting a black mother for assault after forcing entry into her house to support bailiffs who, it later turned out, had got the wrong property. The case got thrown out on appeal and the police apologised to the lady. 

Not only that but a senior policeman went to the family church that Sunday and repeated the apology in front of the whole congregation.
 
“I’m sorry. We were wrong”
 
No explanations or justifications. Just a sincere apology.
 
They could have just written a letter but someone, somewhere was working above optimal performance that day. They did the right thing and everyone’s reputation was improved.
 
On a personal level, the best we can hope for is to learn from our mistakes and stop repeating them. We’ll still mess up occasionally but hopefully not so often and in different and more entertaining ways.
 
As I said at the start, this is only a theory but it’s one I’m using until something better comes along. I might be mistaken but it’s the best I can do for now.