Nowt so queer as folk

 I promised to return to the question of homophobia in Guernsey as reflected in the recent arguments over two canvases depicting cartoon same sex kisses.
 
One strand of the debate places homosexuality in the wrong because it is not normal either in society or biology. But what is normal?
 
Normal is only what is acceptable to the majority of a group or tribe or society. Normal might imply, but does not mean, that it is right and all else wrong. Normal just means that it accords with what most others are doing.
 
What is normal today was not so in the last century and may well not be in the next. Normal might be so here in Guernsey but not there in another country. What is normal in your social circle may not be so in mine.
 
Normal often ends up being “like me and my tribe, or what I perceive my tribe to be”.
 
As you may have figured out by now, there is no normal; that is to say, no normal in the sense of being right.
 
Normal is only what you find acceptable.
 
Homosexuality is a fact; it exists. It has existed for millennia and is not confined to the human race. Why it exists has yet to be satisfactorily answered but we cannot just label it wrong because it is not the norm for the majority of the world.
 
Sexuality does not split neatly into two groups no matter what “normal” biology suggests. Indeed, sexuality is more a state of mind than body and you may find yourself anywhere on a wide spectrum with your position shifting slightly (or for some, radically) over time.
 
Some argue that gay is gay and that you’re born that way. Others favour nurture over nature but I suspect societal pressures have more long term influence than familial ones. But to a degree this is irrelevant to our argument.
 
Sexuality in its many forms exist and we define ourselves in part by our acceptance levels of it.
 
Society is still tribalistic and you cannot belong to my tribe unless you think and act like the rest of us. So we are in essence talking about inter tribal relationships. How we get along with the neighbours.
 
Our tribe might be aggressive and want to teach the world to sing to our tunes or we may accept that there are other songs which can exist without our singing them.
 
We might be closed to new membership if not self generated or be more inclusive and friendly.
 
We may tolerate next door provided they don’t flaunt their gang colours in our neighbourhood or we might encourage diversity and seek to learn something from it.
 
None of these stances are normal or right per se. They are variations on a theme and all playable whether we like it or not.
 
Normal is where we place the barriers to our neighbourhood be they physical or social.
 
In some societies today it is perfectly acceptable for people of the same sex to hold hands in the street. It just means they are friends; most probably heterosexual friends.
 
In Guernsey, such behaviour is not currently generally acceptable unless the participants are both very young and female. That is our society as it is at the moment.
 
A lot of us aim to be tolerant but sooner or later we will all find ourselves with our backs to the barriers, the very things which define us and our society.
 
Let’s explore that tolerance and find out where exactly to put the border line. For extra bonus points, read each question twice and substitute another word for “gay” the second time through. Chose black, or fat, or maybe ginger.
 
Part One
 
Do you object to seeing gay people on the High Street? (This assumes you have excellent gay recognition skills and can spot them without the aid of glitter or builders boots).
 
Would you invite gay people into your house?
 
What if you have young relatives present?
 
Would you object to your daughter having gay friends who are boys?
 
What if it were your son?

Part Two
 
What is your reaction when your middle aged cousin introduces his new girlfriend who looks about 25 and is Latvian?
 
Does that change if she is 19 and Thai?
 
How about if she is 15 and from St Peter Port?
 
At what age do you draw your line?
 
Now replay those scenarios with your cousin’s twin sister who is gay.
 
Where do you place your barriers now?

 
My point is that some behaviour is unacceptable regardless of sexuality and my objection does not of itself make me homophobic. 

It is just that my barrier has been breached and I’m pushing back.
 
Let’s start wandering back in the direction of the initial concerns.

Part Three
 
Do you object to adverts showing adults wearing the new seasons clothes?
 
What if they’re all the same sex?
 
What if the models look teenaged?
 
Or 12?
 
Now make the clothes sexy underwear and replay the questions.
 
Then assume your young and impressionable children are with you.
 
At what point, if any, does it cease to be acceptable?

Part Four
 
Ignoring the question of artistic merit, do you object to a painting of two adult cartoon characters kissing?
 
What if they’re the same sex?
 
What if they are both very young?

What if only one is young?
 
Now replay the questions with photographs of real people rather than cartoons.
 
When do the barriers come up?

 
Each of us finds some behaviour unacceptable and it is our strength of opposition which defines which tribe we belong to. We may seek to impose our tribes views on everyone but that doesn’t automatically make us right or wrong.
 
If we are certain in our belief then it is also perfectly logical for us to want to persuade others to join us. However, that way can lead to extremism and we are all too painfully aware of the modern day consequences of taking that path.
 
But what is extremism?
 
It is behaviour which tramples and mangles our barriers.
 
However from the other side of the fence, this extremism is just their normal behaviour. 

It’s been a long journey but hopefully one worth taking.
 
 Don’t get me wrong. Some behaviours are always unacceptable in any civilised society and we may have touched on some of them.
 
Hopefully the discussion regarding homophobia can now continue with a little more light and a little less heat.